1 Corinthians 15:8-10 “Last of all he (Jesus) appeared to me also, as to one abnormally born. For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am.”

The word “Grace” means “undeserved love.” Do you have any idea how many times a day we hear the phrase, “You deserve,” linked to something someone is trying to sell us? And we agree, don’t we? We love it! Dentists promise the smile you deserve. Dating services offer the perfect match you deserve. Employment services help you get the job you deserve. Politicians promise you the tax relief you deserve, or the services and programs you deserve, or the safety you deserve, or the prosperity you deserve. Listen to the marketers, and you deserve a better salary, creamier chocolate, relief from your pain, and a good night’s sleep.

If we are obsessed with ourselves and convinced we deserve so much, what interest will anyone have in a love that is not deserved? How can we even understand that that is a real thing? There can be no appreciation for grace, no desire for God, and no grasp of the desperate spiritual condition that has sucked the life out of our souls.

Paul’s honest humility about himself is refreshing. Jesus “appeared to me as to one abnormally born.” Instead of a “preemie,” Paul was a “posty.” The due date for him to repent came and went, and nothing. Months stretched into years before Jesus literally knocked Paul off his horse on the way to Damascus in a blaze of light. The circumstances around Paul’s conversion were something of an embarrassment for him. They were a testimony to his stubborn pride.

The fact that it even happened was more than Paul deserved, “because I persecuted the church of God.” You would never hear the Apostle Paul say to God, “I just want what I deserve! Give me what I deserve!” What does the man deserve who oversaw the execution of another whose only crimes were giving food to widows and helping them see Jesus in the Scriptures? What does the man deserve who devoted his life to destroying people’s faith? “God had no good reason to pick me for his team,” Paul is saying. “I gave him nothing but reasons to destroy me.”

“But by the grace of God I am what I am.” Because Paul was aware of his shortcomings (the Lord had really given him no choice), he also understood God’s grace. Grace, undeserved love, meant “I am what I am.” And what was that?

Grace made Paul a justified person. For Jesus’ sake the Lord did not hold his sins against him. He treated him and regarded him like an innocent person, not a criminal. Grace had sent Paul’s sin to the cross for Jesus to pay in his place. Grace brought God’s forgiveness. Grace worked to free the apostle from the consequence for his sins.

Grace made Paul a believer. That whole, dramatic confrontation with Jesus on the road to Damascus may have been frightening in some ways, and confusing in others. But it was undeserved love at work, God’s seeking love leading Paul to know his Savior and claiming him as a dear son and member of his family.

Grace then made Paul a coworker with his Savior. The Lord employed him as a trusted servant in his mission. That was like handing the keys to the store to the thief who had ransacked it days before. But because God loved him, he trusted him to take this good news of new life to people all over the world.

Grace works the same way for us. The story of our opposition to God, conversion, and work for the gospel may not be filled with the same kind of drama Paul’s had. I know mine isn’t. Our own narcissistic tendencies may tempt us to defend and promote ourselves as people God should be only too happy to love. Our quiet Christian hypocrisies–practicing the same greed, sexual standards (or lack thereof), and meanness as everyone else–are often the number one thing standing between the lost and faith in the Savior.

It is time for us to end the charade. Like Paul, it is time for us to be aware, and frankly acknowledge, our sinful shortcomings. Grace still works for us: forgiving, converting, claiming, and transforming us into sons and citizens of heaven Jesus is not afraid to involve in bringing God’s grace to others.